VERNON COUNTY - During our latest road breakfast I discovered evidence that our world has gone mad—or at least, I stumbled on part of the reason for the growing number of diabetes diagnoses and possibly obesity in our country.
I was patiently waiting for the waitress to take our order when I noticed the place card titled ‘Belgian Waffles’ on our table. The one that caught my attention had the Oreo and Reese’s logos on it. Since it was breakfast time and the other side of the card featured eggs, I was curious and started reading it.
Oreo Waffles were described as crispy waffles topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, Oreo cookie crumbles, and chocolate sauce. The Alaskan Waffle also began as a crispy waffle with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, but was finished off with strawberries and whipped cream. I had to stop and ponder the connection between strawberries and Alaska.
My first thought as I read was, who eats this stuff for breakfast?! My second thought was, who eats this stuff, period?
I couldn’t help but think about dear Louisa the pig, who just hours earlier had come rushing out of the goat palace, so enthusiastically seeking her breakfast of mash and a banana that she toppled off the side of the ramp. As I continued reading, I saw that for $6.99 I could order a Belgian waffle with bacon pieces baked inside. Envisioning my affectionate pet pig, that waffle didn’t sound at all appetizing to me.
Next was the Reese’s Waffle, which not only had chunks of peanut butter cups, along with that same crispy waffle and vanilla ice cream, it also was swirled in caramel sauce. Just reading this card I could feel my teeth starting to decay.
By the time I read about the Dutch Apple Waffle, I was getting a virtual cavity. This waffle was topped with cinnamon apples, raisins and pecans, drizzled with caramel sauce, and finished off with whipped cream. Ahhh, this must be the bomb of the Belgian waffles series, I thought. If you ate that for breakfast you would be finished off, or close to it, for the rest of the day. I can’t imagine going to work after a meal like that. Certainly, I would need a nap, and probably a larger size pair of pants.
Weight Watchers would have a field day with these waffles. A typical client gets 30 points a day from Weight Watchers to “spend” any way they choose. Sugary foods have significant point values, protein less, and carbo-loaded foods fall somewhere in the middle. If I were to guess, one of these waffle treats would be nearly 35 points, outlawing any more food for the entire day.
Clearly, if this is any indication of how Americans are eating, we have gone far past what I used to consider an obscene breakfast: Super Sugar Crisp with added sugar from the sugar bowl that graced almost every American family’s table. My mom also indulged me and my siblings with Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms and Rice Krispies. It’s funny how I now think of those sugar-filled cereals as tame compared to these awful-sounding waffles.
It sounds like I’m judging, but I’m not. If you like your Belgian waffles adorned with syrups, cookies, ice cream, and whipped cream, I’m the last person who should judge. After all, during road breakfasts I’m a decaf-coffee-with-honey freak. I can only guess that the very thought of it gives some of my readers the willies. For kicks, I googled the points for Weight Watchers: coffee, zero points; a tablespoon of honey, four points. No wonder my jeans are tight!
I’m not one to mix my breakfast with dessert, although I have been known to eat dessert occasionally instead of dinner. In the end, I quietly set the place card back on the table and ordered my eggs and toast. But I still wonder: do strawberries grow in Alaska?