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Drift from a Driftless Place
JOHN GIBBS finished up his western adventures at a Farm-n-Fleet in Las Vegas, browsing the hat section. He'd been on the lookout for a good cowboy hat, and no surprise, he found his dream chapeau in the Wild, Wild West.

GAYS MILLS - I’ve said it at least a million times, boy do I ever like a good hyperbole or two in the morning. Yes, the hyperbole is a well-used figure of speech today and its pretty easy to get used to using them, to exaggerate, to make a point, to add a little color to your speech. Some people get carried away with them and some seemingly never use them at all. Here’s a hypothetical hyperbolic conversation:

Man, I’m so tired I could sleep a year.

I wish I could sleep a while, but I have a ton of things to do.  My to-do-list is endless.

Besides being tired, I’m so hungry I could eat a horse and wouldn’t be too choosy on how it was cooked. I’m going to go home and make, and eat, the biggest sandwich of all time.

That one is older than the hills. The first time I heard it, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

Well it might be old but it’s as true as the day is long. Can’t talk long, I’ve got a mountain of homework tonight. 

Maybe your dad can help you with it. He’s like the smartest guy in the world.

Well yeah, everyone knows that. Except he’s always off working his fingers to the bone.

At least he’s got a job. My dad’s been out of work forever. He’s tried everything he could and just can’t find a job.

Well, he knows everything about cars.

Yeah, don’t get him started on cars or he’ll talk forever. He never forgets anything.

Well there must be a gazillion jobs out there that are car related.

That’s the best idea ever. I’ll pass it on to everyone I know.

Man, these shoes are killing me.

That’s too bad, they look like a million dollars.

Well, they feel like a dollar and a half.

My mom is going to kill me. I haven’t told her we’re going to the game tomorrow night.

Oh, she’ll get over it. Man, our team is the fastest thing ever.

Greased lightning, that’s all. When they go downfield, it’s just a blur. Unbelievable.

Absolutely amazing. Incredible. Nothing can stop those guys.

I don’t know, the other team’s line is the size of elephants.

They may be big, but they are as slow as molasses.

In January?

Yes, in a cold spell in January.

I hope it doesn’t rain for the game. Last year, it rained cats and dogs the whole game.

Yeah, that game went on forever. I thought it would never end.

All I remember was that I sat next to a guy who talked a mile a minute.

I remember him; he spoke about 300 words a minute with gusts up to 400.

He knew more about football than there is to know, really ruined the game for me.

I’m dying of starvation. Let’s go get something to eat.

But we can’t go to that new place.nNobody goes there, it’s too crowded.