The success that Gov. Scott Walker has had with his slash-and-burn budget may have spurred him to even more ruthless budgets in the future. Future Walker budget proposals might include the following:
• In keeping with his philosophy that people who use state parks and other government services should pay for them, visitors to all state offices would pay to use the bathrooms.
• Individuals who require government ambulance services would pay the full cost before being delivered to the hospital.
• All state parks and forests would be given to the Koch brothers and other significant donors to Gov. Walker’s various campaigns.
• Consistent with Gov. Walker’s anti-education views, the University of Wisconsin Madison Campus would be eliminated and the entire building complex would be given to the owners of the Milwaukee Bucks for a new stadium, with the stipulation that the team would be renamed the Walker Buck$.
• In order to control healthcare costs, anyone who has a net worth of less than $500,000 and who has serious health problems or is over the age of 70 would have two choices. They could either be placed on an iceberg in Lake Superior in January, or be banished to Waukesha, Wisconsin, with a scarlet L (for “liberal”) on their chests. In either case they would soon perish and no longer risk becoming liabilities of the state.
• To bolster his appeal to conservative extremists, Gov. Walker selfishly refused to accept federal money for high-speed rail and for expansion of health care for the needy, even though both were in the best interest of Wisconsin citizens. In honor of that accomplishment, Wisconsin’s next budget may include money to erect a statue of Walker with the inscription, “In recognition of Wisconsin’s infamous governor, who competes with former Sen. Joe McCarthy for the state’s most cold-hearted, deceitful and mean-spirited politician.”