GAYS MILLS - Tell you what I like the best --

 'Long about knee-deep in June, 

'Bout the time strawberries melts On the vine, --

 some afternoon Like to jes' git out and rest, 

And not work at nothin' else! 

Those words by James Whitcomb Riley, the old Hoosier poet, describe what we’re going through these days. Although, instead of knee-deep, this year its more like hip-deep; we’ve sure had some good growing weather. I hope you are enjoying these longest days of the year.

I’m a little embarrassed at how I’ve reacted to the recent heat. I do usually like hot weather, but the sudden onset of high heat and high humidity knocked me back a bit. I retreat to the house and make plans for doing things when it’s cooler. The first and last three or four hours of the day are  windows for weather wimps on hot days.

So while I jes’ stay in and rest, I gathered some snippets of things to share with you.  And here they are:

Descriptions of hot weather

So hot the cornfield started to pop, the mule thought it was snowing and froze to death.

Hotter than the hinges of hell.

Hotter than a new set of jumper cables at a redneck funeral.

Hotter than a bare butt on a black vinyl seat.

So hot, I burnt my tongue lying about it.

So hot that hot water comes out of both taps.

Words I wish were part

of my working vocabulary

• simpatico: congenial, likeable, like-minded, sympathetic

• sanguine: confident, optimistic, eager hopefulness

• alacrity: promptness in response, cheerful readiness

• anomaly: something different, abnormal, peculiar, or not easily classified

• garrulous: pointlessly or annoyingly talkative, rambling speech

• querulous: habitually complaining, fretful, whining

From the book

‘Rules of Thumb 2’

• The smaller the bird, the closer it will allow you to approach.

• One pound of soybeans yields 2 and 1/2 pounds of tofu

• The average newborn (human) will double its weight in 6 months.

• A good camel should travel eighty to one hundred kilometers per day easily.

• The way to tell the difference between a jig and a reel is to sing along with it.  With a jig, you will be able to sing “jiggety jig, jiggety jig.” If the tune is a reel, you can sing “I think I can, I think I can.”

Oxymorons from the book

‘Oxymoronica,

paradoxical wit and wisdom….’

• “How is it possible to have a civil war?”    George Carlin

• “People want economy and will pay any price to get it.”  Lee Iacocca

• “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” Dolly Parton

• “I don’t drink. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.”  Oscar Levant

• “Painting is very easy when you don’t know how, but very difficult when you do.”  Edgar Degas

• “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.” Samuel Goldwyn