With a class reunion coming up (Forget it, I’m not talking years here!), I once again moved into a nostalgic mood, especially when I received a related e-mail from an old classmate.
He wrote that you have to be over 50 to understand and appreciate the humor. So, if you qualify, read on. If not, go ahead and read the sports!
In a way, we were all “home schooled” by our parents back in the good old days!
• My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”
• My mother taught me religion: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”
• My father taught me about time travel: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”
• My father taught me logic: “Because I said so, that’s why!”
• My mother taught me more logic: “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me!”
• My mother taught me foresight: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
• My mother taught be about the science of osmosis: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
• My mother taught me about contortionism: “Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
• My mother taught me about the weather: “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!”
• My mother taught me about hypocrisy: “If I told you once, I told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”
• My mother taught me about envy: “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
• My mother taught me about anticipation: “Just wait until we get home.”
• My mother taught me medical ESP: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way!”
• My mother taught me genetics: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• My mother taught me about family roots: “You’re just like your father.”
• My mother taught me wisdom: “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
• My father taught me about justice: “One day, you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”