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Random Thoughts – February 10, 2022
By Wendell Smith
Random Thoughts by Wendell Smith

MUSCODA - The groundhog has spoken. He probably saw his shadow last week, predicting six more weeks of winter as he slipped back into his den to continue his nap.

It does seem as though the winters of the past were colder and lasted longer than they do now. Old Progressive files seem to support that thought. Flipping through a February 11, 1971 issue I found a picture of George Studnicka clearing snow from his home sidewalk after a storm that shut down area schools that day. The headline notes: “It’s been white for two months” and the temperature had been down to 30 degrees below zero. The same issue featured the Highland High School Art Class that had been holding classes outside making large snow sculptures. Among the snow creatures were several large “Snoopy” renditions.

There was also a mid-March photograph of the Riverdale school maintenance man, John Mueller, clearing snow from the Pickering Park baseball field. His equipment included a large “rider” snow blower to remove the snow from the baselines.

During February, 2001, an area weekly newspaper editor went looking for smiles, so he wrote a column describing what he called “The Wisconsin Temperature Conversion Chart” that included the following.

At 60 degrees above zero, Floridians wear coats, gloves and wooly hats. Wisconsin people sunbathe.

At 50 above, Atlanta folks try to turn up the heat. Wisconsin people plant gardens.

At 40 above, Italian cars won’t start. Wisconsin people drive with their windows down.

At 32 above, distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan’s water gets thicker.

At 15 above, Atlanta landlords finally turn on the heat.

At 0 degrees Californians fly away to Mexico. Wisconsin people lick a flag pole.

At 20 below, people in Miami cease to exist. Wisconsin natives get out their winter coats.

At 40 below, Hollywood disintegrates. Wisconsin Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door-to-door.

At 50 below, polar bears begin to evacuate the North Pole. Wisconsin Boy Scouts postpone Winter Survival classes until it gets cold enough.

At 60 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsin people start saying, “Cold nuf for ya?”

At 70 below, Mount St. Helens freezes. Wisconsin people rent some videos.

At 80 below, Microbial life survives on dairy products. Wisconsin cows complain about farmers with cold hands.

At 100 below, Hell freezes over. The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl.